Browsing: The 701 Club

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church, the arbiter of all that is moral and chaste, shares her perspective on current events. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Why 701? Well, because she’s just a little bit better than that other Christian newscast.

The 701 Club
Refusal, Refusal, Refusal

I refuse to be silent on the refusals at work in our land. Refusal. In another communique from the SCROTUM, er SCOTUS, the high court has refused to take on the case of a florist who refused to do flowers for a same-sex wedding. Brothers and Sisters, let us pause here…

The 701 Club
Chipotle, Children & Chums

Things are getting serious. Circle the prayer wagons! Chipotle. I’ve been thinking. Our Lord and Savior said many things which deserve recalling these days. “Suffer the little children to come unto me.” “When I was a stranger, you invited me in.” “Blessed are the persecuted.” And so forth and so on.…

The 701 Club
Shows, Summits & Suicides

Meet me on your knees at the throne of grace, Heathens! Shows. Another of the major awards shows has passed us by. The parade of sodomite chorus boys known as The Tony Awards were held this past Sunday. I missed it due to my church duties on the Sabbath. However, I…

The 701 Club
Preachers, Precedence & Pride

Bow your heads and pray with me about these concerns. Preachers. Brothers and Sisters, I have been blessed to minister to the heathen in lands far and wide. Sometime I visit via ocean liner, sometimes via interstate highway and sometimes via air. However, let me be clear, I have always had…

The 701 Club
Coffee, Cancelled & Crazed

Gird your loins, get on your knees and circle the prayer wagons, Sinners! Coffee.  I normally get my coffee at church, but I know many of my readers are regulars at the overpriced, liberal java hut called Starbucks.  My heart goes out to all of you as you missed out…

The 701 Club

We must bond together as one in prayer of these things. To the letter! NRA. Once again, Brothers and Sisters, we are faced with a tragic school shooting. This time in my home state of Texas. I shall be in prayerful anticipation of how the fine Christian gun owners of Texas…

The 701 Club
Prophecy, Paradise & Playing

Allow me to comment on the moving of the Lord’s hands in our world today. Prophecy. Many vociferous pastors of the faith are always quick to righteously decry the Jewish religion. Yet here they are in Jerusalem offering prayers of praise and alleged support of Israel. How does this happen? Let…

The 701 Club
Queens, Quaaludes & Quips

I have been away for a week of personal reflection. However, the world spins forward as evidenced by these thoughts. Queens. More royal news from our London mission. Sister Duchess Kate Middleton has whelped another boy, thus moving everyone else in the family down a notch. Two things worth noting. One,…

The 701 Club
Righteous, Righteous, Righteous!

We must turn our gaze this week to Washington to pray for righteousness. Righteous. Merciful Heavens! The Resignation Fairies have been flying fast and loud over our nation’s capital. The latest to be hit be their wands is Speaker of House, Brother Paul Ryan. As a Christian woman, I am touched…

The 701 Club
Presidents, Protests & Pages

I have been agog at our world around us.  I hope you’ll ponder these things with me this week. Presidents.  I don’t believe in anything spooky or out of line with my Christian faith, but I can’t help but feeling that Brother Richard Nixon is spinning in his grave right…

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