Put Some Gay In Your Day!

The 701 Club

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church, the arbiter of all that is moral and chaste, shares her perspective on current events. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Why 701? Well, because she’s just a little bit better than that other Christian newscast.

Pageants, Perry & Pennsylvania

Filth. Corruption. Immorality. This week has had it all. Gird your loins, dear readers, for today’s dive into the cesspool of news. Pageants: Another indication of end times has befallen […]

The 701 Club: Clerks, Catholics & Quarterbacks

This has been a week of utter chaos in our land. I am preparing for end times as I write this. Sinners everywhere, let us come together and pray over […]

The 701 Club: Mountains, Music & Massage

Current events are troubling the masses. Let me bring you up to speed with my take on the following news items. Mountains: Alaska. The biggest state in the US, and […]

The 701 Club: Footlongs, Filth & Football

Sin is rampant in our lands today. It is with great humility that I am able to bring you a Christian perspective on the evils of today. Read and be […]

The 701 Club: Pumpkins, Football & Baseball

So much for us to be on our knees about, Brothers and Sisters. Let us turn our hearts in prayer to the news of the week. Pumpkins: Rejoice, ye followers […]

The 701 Club: Misogynists, Mistakes & Mis(Fortunes)

Gather ‘round, all ye sinners, as I share in faithfulness my views on current affairs. Read and be blessed! Trump: Brothers and Sisters, I know you are as weary of […]

The 701 Club: Lions, Lynn & A Loser

The news of the week is as diverse as a Pentecostal church casserole. Join me in prayer as I offer my perspective on some important stories. Lions: The interweb has […]

The 701 Club: Trousseaus, Trump and Transitions

Brothers and Sisters, I have returned from a lengthy period of spiritual retreat, renewal and rest. As I was afraid, the world has nearly come to a stop in my absence. Let […]

Letterman, Leprechauns & Lewdness

So much for us to be on our knees about, Brothers and Sisters. Let us turn our hearts in prayer to the news of the week. David Letterman: The dark […]

Waco, Weirdos & A Whacko

These are End Times, Brothers and Sisters.  Join me in praying about these recent current events. [dropcap style=”square”]Waco[/dropcap]I received much of my inspirational training at the Great Institution, Jerusalem on […]