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Browsing: The 701 Club

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church, the arbiter of all that is moral and chaste, shares her perspective on current events. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Why 701? Well, because she’s just a little bit better than that other Christian newscast.

The 701 Club
Heat, Hell & Homo

The fires of hell are lapping at our world. Be ye ready for these signs of the Beast among us. Heat. Sinners throughout the American Southwest are experiencing a heatwave of epic proportions. With temperatures reaching as high as 120 degrees, lives are at risk. I am praying that all…

The 701 Club
Bat Gay, Broadway & Birthday

As we gather our hearts in prayer this week, I pray that you will join me in considering these thoughts. Bat Gay. We’ve lost another one. Brother Adam West passed from this life last week at the age of 88. Regardless of the number of roles he may have had…

The 701 Club
Incite, Ignite & Interpret

Draw near all ye who are heavy laden in these times and share in these biblical interpretations amid our world issues. Incite. Brothers and Sisters, oft times when biblically historical events are re-enacted in present day, the result is seriously misunderstood. If a baby was born in a filthy barn,…

The 701 Club
Foreign Missions

Our prayer life turns to foreign lands this week as we pray about international crises. Israel. Hear, O Israel! The Lord’s return draweth nigh! For you unchurched and unsaved cretins, Christian fundamentalists have long held that the success of Israel will usher in the Second Coming of Christ. This so…

The 701 Club
Sodomites, Sluts & Sayanoras

What a filthy week we have endured. Don’t believe me? Get on your knees about all of THIS! Sodomites. Lord help us. The “Big Bang” sodomite, Jim Parsons, has a “Big Shebang” in New York City this past weekend where he married his fornication partner of 14 years, Todd Spiewak.…

The 701 Club
Recover, Recovery & Recovering

Looking for something for your prayer ministry?  Consider these concerns. Recover. Here is a story from which I have yet to recover. Originally published in London media, THE SUN, it is reported that a grieving husband slept next to his wife’s dead body in their bedroom for six days after she…

The 701 Club
3, 10 & 100

I was going to begin with a scripture from the Old Testament book of Numbers. But let’s just get to this week’s numbers, shall we? 3. The latest news for the world of television is that the program originally known as Regis & Kathie Lee has morphed once again. First, Sister Kathie…

The 701 Club
Delta, Deliverance & Dismissal

It’s getting to where I just can’t keep up with the pain and suffering in this land. But let us press on with these prayer concerns. Delta. It’s just not safe to board an airplane anymore. First, United drags their guests up the aisles. Then American swats its guests with errant…

The 701 Club
Pastels, Passengers & Peace

In this post-resurrection time, let us join our hearts in prayer over these thoughts. Pastels. He is Risen! I am renewed and rejuvenated after celebrating the resurrection of our Lord and Savior this past Sunday. I saw so few familiar faces at church, as the pews were filled with the C&E…

The 701 Club
Immorality, Immersion & Immaculateness

Forgive my absence from my weekly musings, as I have been bereaved over the passing of my dear mother. In her memory, however, I am returning to this ministry with a renewed vigor as she would have me do. Now let us reflect on the following things. Immorality. We begin with…

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