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Browsing: The 701 Club

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church, the arbiter of all that is moral and chaste, shares her perspective on current events. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Why 701? Well, because she’s just a little bit better than that other Christian newscast.

The 701 Club
The 701 Club: Material, Masonry & Mary

Now, more than ever, we need to be on our knees for our country. Join me as we consider these things. Material. I have covered this before, but it is clearly an issue that is not going away. What is Donnie Trump’s problem with Muslin? I mean, it’s one thing…

The 701 Club
The 701 Club: Inauguration, Instigation & Inaccuracy

Behold these new beginnings, these retributions and these liberties. Inauguration: God Bless America! Our new President, Donald J. Trump, has been officially coronated, er, inaugurated and is hard at work making America great again! Already, the White House web pages for the Mexicans and Sodomites have been removed. Brother Donald,…

The 701 Club
The 701 Club: Memories, Monarchies & Motels

Let us ponder the three ring circuses coming and going in our land. Memories: The end of an era has come to pass. Ringling Brothers/Barnum & Bailey Circus has folded its tent after 146 years of three-ring performances. Ah, the memories of watching foreigners flying through the air from one…

The 701 Club
The 701 Club: Designers, Declarers & Deviants

I am on FIRE this week. Handle with care. Designers: Lord help us! Hollyweird awards season is upon us. Famous women pushing the envelope of good taste with gravity defying dress disasters, famous men thinking that a tux will excuse bad grooming, and all of them trying to look like they’re…

The 701 Club
The 701 Club: Grief, Goals & Glitter

Look behind, look ahead, look to prayer. Look at this. Grief: I exhort you all to remember in prayer the lives of Sister Debbie Reynolds and her daughter, Carrie Fisher.  I had the privilege of working in ministry with both of these Sister-in-Christ. While my experience with Sister Carrie was a…

The 701 Club
Wham, Bam, Thank you, Ma’am.

Let us pray that this year of unpredictability and grief comes to a close soon.  For now, however, we’ve still got to pray over these latest plagues. Wham!  2016 has come like a thief in the night to claim yet another celebrity. Famed sodomite, George Michael, left this early life…

The 701 Club
The 701 Club: Gulag, Gas & Gabor

The world is spinning out of control, with Russia and Hungary making the news. Heed these thoughts. Gulag: If Russia technoviks did indeed hack into our election process, then the love affair between Donnie and Vladimir appears to intensifying. And if THAT is the case, I’m not having new stationery printed…

The 701 Club
The 701 Club: Fraud, F****t & Finger

Why must I have to rebuke during this joyous season?  Read on and understand. Fraud: A “preacher” in Amarillo, Texas recently staked out a spot near Santa Claus at a local mall where he proceeded to heckle parents and children alike for their belief in the bearded fat man. The…

The 701 Club
The 701 Club: Idiots, Indians & Incumbents

I have been on my knees this week until they are FLAT! Let us ponder these things for which I’ve been in supplication. Idiots: In the ongoing saga of cabinet appointments from the Gilded Egg, the new Secretary of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) is Brother Ben Carson. Allegedly, The…

The 701 Club
The 701 Club: Starts With An F

I take a week off from this column, and people drop like flies. Let us pause for remembrance. Florence: The sudden passing on Thanksgiving evening of TV’s Everymom was a cause for great consternation. Sister Florence Henderson, aka “Carol Brady,” joined her TV husband and housekeeper at the great split-level in…

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