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Browsing: The 701 Club

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church, the arbiter of all that is moral and chaste, shares her perspective on current events. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Why 701? Well, because she’s just a little bit better than that other Christian newscast.

The 701 Club
Flying, Firing & Feasting

The crazies are in full bloom and my allergies are killing me. Read on. Flying. I never cease to be amazed at the world around us. Just when I think there’s nothing new under the sun, the Lord allows one of his rogue sheep to escape from the flock and wreak…

The 701 Club
Liberty, LeBron & The Facts of Life

Gather ye, one to another and let us join our hearts in prayer for these concerns. Liberty. Christians, Rejoice! That mighty midget of the faith, Brother Jeff Sessions, has proclaimed spiritual warfare in this land and is making it a governmental matter by forming a religious liberty task force. As we…

The 701 Club
Heat, Heated & Heating

We must still pray for our President, but I just couldn’t bring myself to actually discuss him this week. Here are other hot topics for prayer. Heat. This heat is UNCHRISTIAN! As you may know, my ministry is based in Dallas, Texas, where it reached 108° this past weekend. Liberals have…

The 701 Club
Protocol, Putin & Pizza

The future of our world is at stake. These are times for being on our knees! Protocol. In another spectacle of American embarrassment, President Donald Trump recently had a visit with esteemed royal, Queen Elizabeth II while visiting London (pre-Putin). History has recorded numerous American Presidents having audience with Sister Betty…

The 701 Club
Courts, Cards & Coffee

How are we to respond to these concerns? Let us reflect. Courts. Glory be! Christian conservatives are rejoicing over the latest nominee to become one of the Supremes. Brother Brett Kavanaugh is a darling of the right and opposer of the wrong. Since the big BK served in both Bush administrations…

The 701 Club
Refusal, Refusal, Refusal

I refuse to be silent on the refusals at work in our land. Refusal. In another communique from the SCROTUM, er SCOTUS, the high court has refused to take on the case of a florist who refused to do flowers for a same-sex wedding. Brothers and Sisters, let us pause here…

The 701 Club
Chipotle, Children & Chums

Things are getting serious. Circle the prayer wagons! Chipotle. I’ve been thinking. Our Lord and Savior said many things which deserve recalling these days. “Suffer the little children to come unto me.” “When I was a stranger, you invited me in.” “Blessed are the persecuted.” And so forth and so on.…

The 701 Club
Shows, Summits & Suicides

Meet me on your knees at the throne of grace, Heathens! Shows. Another of the major awards shows has passed us by. The parade of sodomite chorus boys known as The Tony Awards were held this past Sunday. I missed it due to my church duties on the Sabbath. However, I…

The 701 Club
Preachers, Precedence & Pride

Bow your heads and pray with me about these concerns. Preachers. Brothers and Sisters, I have been blessed to minister to the heathen in lands far and wide. Sometime I visit via ocean liner, sometimes via interstate highway and sometimes via air. However, let me be clear, I have always had…

The 701 Club
Coffee, Cancelled & Crazed

Gird your loins, get on your knees and circle the prayer wagons, Sinners! Coffee.  I normally get my coffee at church, but I know many of my readers are regulars at the overpriced, liberal java hut called Starbucks.  My heart goes out to all of you as you missed out…

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