Quantcast

Browsing: The 701 Club

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church, the arbiter of all that is moral and chaste, shares her perspective on current events. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Why 701? Well, because she’s just a little bit better than that other Christian newscast.

The 701 Club
Squaws, Storks & Signs

We have a broad spectrum of concerns this week.  Join me on your knees, won’t you? Squaws.  Not having Sister Hillary Clinton around has left a void in the liberal stratosphere.  Then comes Sister Elizabeth Warren.  Regardless of her politics, the good Sister practices a convincing narrative.  I just don’t…

The 701 Club
Gaga, Gavel & Garrett

Another week, another roster of filth. Gaga. I’ve long been aware of the royalty titles among our heathen celebrities. Dame Judi Dench, Queen Latifah, Prince, Sir Elton John, Duke Ellington to name a few. But one such name has really thrown a wrench in these proceedings. A Sister who had to…

The 701 Club
Moron, Murphy & Marriage

I’m tired of politics and needed to turn my ministry to something more vapid. Kanye.  I’d like to say something in Christian love to Brother Kanye West, or as he now prefers to be called, “Ye”.  I have been in prayer about the right thing, pondering my innermost thoughts and…

The 701 Club
Scripted, Scripture & Scribes

Politics and religion come together in a storm of biblical proportion this week. Scripted. Yesterday, our President, Notorious D.J.T., spoke eloquently before the general assembly of the United Nations. I say “eloquently” because he stuck to a script, and it was all in complete, grammatically correct sentences. A miracle! Because of…

The 701 Club
Accusations, Awards & Announcements

I am just sick and disgusted this week. Read and see why. Accusations. More trouble in Washington. As I mentioned last week, it has been the goal of evangelicals everywhere to compromise Christian morality in support of Brother Trump for the end result of gaining a conservative to the Supreme Court.…

The 701 Club
Breathless, Betrayal & Boycotts

My sense of humor is low this week, but satire is alive and well. Get on your knees. Breathless. It’s a shame that so many other news sources (other than me, of course) have questionable journalistic practices. That liberal giant, the NEW YORK TIMES, ran an anonymously written opinion piece last…

The 701 Club
Memorial, Messiah & Misogynist

Oftentimes, prayer covers a range of emotions……sadness, sarcasm and schadenfreude…..this is one of those weeks. Memorial. Last week, I exhorted you to remember the loss of Brother McCain and Sister Franklin. This week, with both of their funerals behind us, let us reflect on each of these services. Brother McCain was…

The 701 Club
Maverick, Morality & Mirror

My spiritual fortitude is being tested this week.  Join me in prayer. Maverick.  I’m having to break out my black dress a lot recently.  So many deaths of note.  Now, we’ve lost the maverick himself, Brother John McCain.  Never before have I had such on again/off again feelings about a…

The 701 Club
Asians, Aretha & Aged

I’m turning my knees in prayer towards the entertainment world this week. Asians.  I keep hearing of a film entitled CRAZY RICH ASIANS.  I must say, this title seems a bit exclusive.  Why limit these people to our Far Eastern ministries?  There are, after all, the wealthy insane across all…

The 701 Club
Flying, Firing & Feasting

The crazies are in full bloom and my allergies are killing me. Read on. Flying. I never cease to be amazed at the world around us. Just when I think there’s nothing new under the sun, the Lord allows one of his rogue sheep to escape from the flock and wreak…

1 2 3 19