Author The 701 Club with Sister Helen Holy

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

The 701 Club
Remember, Recoil & Rest

It’s time for this week’s reflection. Remember. Let us reflect upon the loss of the 41st President of our country. After the leadership we have experienced the last two years, it is necessary to recall the statesmanship as well as the highs and lows of George H.W. Bush. His bravery in…

The 701 Club
Parade, Perverse, Patrol

Giving thanks and crying for help. Parade.  I pray that all of you experienced a season of thanks with family and friends last week.  I also pray that you are finding gastric relief from the sin of gluttony.  Still, in the midst of family gatherings and prayers of thanksgiving, worldliness…

The 701 Club
Females, Firings & Physicians

The elections are over.  Let’s review and move on. Females.  I am praising the Lord for the blessing that the end of these midterm elections has brought.  No more political ads!  Now, I won’t mention my personal feelings on the results, but I do want to make some observations.  The…

The 701 Club
Privies, Prayers & Probes

It’s been a trying week.  Let us gather in prayer. Privies.  Here’s an item of interest.  Brother Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft and bazillionaire, has begun an initiative which was introduced at his Reinvented Toilet Expo in Beijing.  He wants to commercialize futuristic toilets that don’t need water or sewers. …

The 701 Club
Prayer, Preposterous & Pagan

It’s been a trying week.  Let us gather in prayer. Prayer.  Now, more than ever, people of all faiths need to come together at one altar to pray for this country.  Angry individuals are coming unhinged and acting out in dangerous ways.  One sent 12 fake bomb packages to politicians…

The 701 Club
Trash, Treachery & Travelers

I have turned my gaze abroad for this week’s ministry. Join me at the throne of grace. Trash. Oftentimes, my mission trips require me to travel by air. As a woman of faith, it is imperative that I be as thrifty as possible with such air travel regardless of who might…

The 701 Club
Squaws, Storks & Signs

We have a broad spectrum of concerns this week.  Join me on your knees, won’t you? Squaws.  Not having Sister Hillary Clinton around has left a void in the liberal stratosphere.  Then comes Sister Elizabeth Warren.  Regardless of her politics, the good Sister practices a convincing narrative.  I just don’t…

The 701 Club
Gaga, Gavel & Garrett

Another week, another roster of filth. Gaga. I’ve long been aware of the royalty titles among our heathen celebrities. Dame Judi Dench, Queen Latifah, Prince, Sir Elton John, Duke Ellington to name a few. But one such name has really thrown a wrench in these proceedings. A Sister who had to…

The 701 Club
Moron, Murphy & Marriage

I’m tired of politics and needed to turn my ministry to something more vapid. Kanye.  I’d like to say something in Christian love to Brother Kanye West, or as he now prefers to be called, “Ye”.  I have been in prayer about the right thing, pondering my innermost thoughts and…

The 701 Club
Scripted, Scripture & Scribes

Politics and religion come together in a storm of biblical proportion this week. Scripted. Yesterday, our President, Notorious D.J.T., spoke eloquently before the general assembly of the United Nations. I say “eloquently” because he stuck to a script, and it was all in complete, grammatically correct sentences. A miracle! Because of…

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