HE SAID READER:  I just logged onto my internet, and totally by accident found out that my “browser” had been on porn websites.  There were over 20 sites that had been visited and they were gay porn.  My son who is 14 is the only one who has access to my computer.  I confronted him when he returned from school.  At first he denied that he had been on the sites, but when I told him that I was going to check on the time of day that the web sites were visited, he confessed.  I’ve always suspected that he was gay.  He was embarrassed and said he wouldn’t do it again.  Should I be worried?

BENDER:  Wow!  Worried…about what?  Your question includes many issues such as; 1.  Why would you not have parental blocks on your computer?  Let’s get real here.  We are all warned, etc., etc., about young kids on the computer.  Where have you been?  2.  Have you not had the traditional “birds and the bees” conversation with your son?  If you haven’t, you’re way behind on that schedule and I suggest that you catch up ASAP.  3.  What is your deal that you have not addressed safety on the computer issues?  Too many kids, regardless of any sexual orientation issues are taken advantage of preditors on the internet.  Get a grip, Dad!

Your son is actually engaging in “age appropriate” curiosity issues.  At the age of 14, most boys will try to tap into web sites about sex.  The bigger issue here is that at your son’s age, he needs to know that he can be the object of sexual preditors; whether they’re looking for young men or women.  SAFETY…it’s the name of the game.  Let your son know in no uncertain terms that his physical and emotional well-being could be at risk by logging on to sites which he doesn’t know about.  Next, I suggest that you and your son have a candid conversation about sexuality; in general as well as specifically discussing the fact that he may or may not be gay.  Your level of openness is going to set the tone.  He needs to know that most 14 year old kids have a healthy curiosity regarding sexuality and that whatever his orientation is (which he may or may not be aware of) okay with you.  But, the bottom line is this; BLOCK THE INAPPROPRIATE SITES and let your son know you will always love him for who he is.