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Gaga, Gavel & Garrett

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Another week, another roster of filth.

Gaga. I’ve long been aware of the royalty titles among our heathen celebrities. Dame Judi Dench, Queen Latifah, Prince, Sir Elton John, Duke Ellington to name a few. But one such name has really thrown a wrench in these proceedings. A Sister who had to go to great lengths to get attention from the music world via garish costumes, freakish make-up and hair disasters. And then re-name herself with the ridiculous moniker of Lady Gaga. (Or as I have called her, Lady Gag Me.) I may have to eat my words now, as Sister Lady is astounding movie goers with her role in the latest version of the celluloid classic, A STAR IS BORN. I would think that now, as a serious talent, she would be billed using her actual name on the marquee. But no. Starring Lady Gaga. I can only assume she’s sticking with this because the press can’t spell Stefani Germanotta. Praise!

Gavel. People in the world of high end art collecting have got to be the most entitled snobs on earth. I’m mystified at the amount of money someone would pay for a poorly colored can of soup on a piece of paper! Apparently, there are some artists who share my opinion. The artist known simply as Banksy is an anonymous artist. No confirmed identity. Regardless, years ago Banksy painted a simple picture of a little girl holding a red balloon, then put it in a frame with a built-in shredder. When Banksy found that said painting was to be auctioned amid a group of art elitists, Banksy was ready. As the gavel dropped on $1.4 million, the hidden feature kicked in and shredded the artwork like grated cheese. There you have it. I can’t help but fear that the powers that be in Congress are shopping for a similar frame to display the Constitution. But at this point, such an action would really be redundant. Let us pray.

Garrett. Although I’m not an avid fan of the football, my ministry IS based in Dallas, so football is not a foreign tongue in this land. For many years, the Dallas Cowboys were the picture of morality and sportsmanship under Brother Coach Tom Landry. Those days are, sadly, long gone. Now the team is led by some red-headed stepchild named Garrett. It’s owned by Brother Jerry Jones, the worst example of white trash with money that I’ve EVER seen. And the players of late seem to be playing the fields of sin more than the home field. Just the other day, someone from afar asked me, “Helen, what is up with the Dallas Cowboys?” My reply was simply “Clearly not their scores!” Amen?

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Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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