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Moron, Murphy & Marriage

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I’m tired of politics and needed to turn my ministry to something more vapid.

Kanye.  I’d like to say something in Christian love to Brother Kanye West, or as he now prefers to be called, “Ye”.  I have been in prayer about the right thing, pondering my innermost thoughts and asking on high for divine wisdom.  The Lord has given me guidance and strength and imparted these words of ministry to me.  Therefore, Brother West, I say unto you, Jesus Loves You…………..but the rest of us think you’re in absolute idiot so can Ye just shut the intercourse up.  Amen.

Murphy Brown.  Liberal television character, Murphy Brown, has been resurrected to the airwaves.  While, as most of you know, I am not a regular viewer of the boob tube, I try to stay current.  Therefore, while I didn’t actually see the first new episode, I have certainly been made aware of its content.  For the uninformed, there has always been a running story line of Sister Murphy having inept secretaries.  What a shock, then, to hear of the “stunt casting” of Sister H. Clinton as a possible new secretary for the title character.  Clearly, the joke writes itself…..former Secretary of State, history of e-mail issues, qualifications for the job, etc.  Just blatant liberal propaganda.  Truly, I recommend the stunt casting of our current President as a possible secretary for Miss Brown.  It gives conservatives equal time, AND offers a candidate for the job who would TRULY be more in line with the historical story arc.  Just a thought.

Jeopardy.  One of my FEW television treats, I must say, is watching game shows.  I delight in the moral degradation which overcomes many for the sake of useless prizes or the hope of money.  Conversely, they can be a display of the benefits of useless knowledge as well.  Imagine, then, my surprise at a unscripted marriage proposal during a taping of JEOPARDY.  A young man asked his young lady (praise the LORD it wasn’t a man!), seated in the television studio audience, if she would marry him.  IN true JEOPARDY form, she responded with “What is ‘YES’”?  Such joy.  But I can’t imagine this young man on THE PRICE IS RIGHT trying to bid on his lady in the audience like she’s some hooker with a manufacturers’ suggested retail price.  Or being on PYRAMID and have to scream categories like “Reasons to have Christian sex”, “Things you do wearing white in a church” or “Questions I’ll regret later”.  Or, God forbid, being on LET’S MAKE A DEAL and asking what’s behind her box!  Lord, help.

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About Author

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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