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Breathless, Betrayal & Boycotts

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My sense of humor is low this week, but satire is alive and well. Get on your knees.

Breathless. It’s a shame that so many other news sources (other than me, of course) have questionable journalistic practices. That liberal giant, the NEW YORK TIMES, ran an anonymously written opinion piece last week. I’ve always felt that those who refuse to sign their name to any written opinion are cowards of the first degree. That being said, the aforementioned anonymous author allegedly serves in a very high ranking position of our country’s administration and is sharing very personal testimony as to the volatile state of affairs therein. Let us all get on our knees in prayer regarding this news. Pray that our country is guided by wisdom and not insanity. Pray also that the author’s identity is revealed in due time. And pray that our President might childishly hold his breath until then. Inhale.

Betrayal. Vetting a Supreme Court nominee is always a tedious process. It is also an opportunity to see just how sneaky and low down a political party can be to get their nominee approved. In this present case, conservatives are bulldozing their way into pushing Brett Kavanaugh to the bench. I certainly don’t want to accuse my fellow Christians of behaving unethically. But I will say this: Evangelicals have managed to forgive a multitude of sins when it comes to this 45th president. A blind eye has been turned to every ill Trump has said or committed. Mark my words…..if Brother BK ascends to the bench, these heretofore forgiving churchgoers will turn on Trump faster than you can say “mission accomplished.” Betrayal, thy name is SCOTUS.

Boycotts. I love a good boycott. We have such a long history of them as well. My fellow Babatists boycotted the Disney company for having “gay day” at their parks. The sodomites and lesbyterians boycotted Chick-Fil-A for corporate giving to conservative causes. And now, devout patriots and Christians are boycotting Nike for making Mr. Anthem Kneeler himself their latest spokesperson. Look, I couldn’t care less who promotes a product. Lawrence Welk encourage champagne usage, but did I drink? No! Christian families are still going to Disneyland. I still see rainbow bumper stickers at the Chik-Fil-A drive-thru. And I daresay, Nike will still keep running, so to speak. I would like to point out, however, that many of Brother Trump’s supporters have opted to buy a special pair of sneakers emblazoned with Trump’s name and slogan as a way to show their allegiance to him. Sneakers made, NOT by Nike, but by Converse. Converse. Owned by the Nike corporation. This is going very well.

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Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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