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Courts, Cards & Coffee

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How are we to respond to these concerns? Let us reflect.

Courts. Glory be! Christian conservatives are rejoicing over the latest nominee to become one of the Supremes. Brother Brett Kavanaugh is a darling of the right and opposer of the wrong. Since the big BK served in both Bush administrations and has been very involved in anti-progressive stances, liberals fear that this man on the Supremest Court would mean an end to restrictions on gun rights, support of environmental rights, abortion and LGBTQ rights. Brothers and Sisters, let me say this. If there is an anti-gun lesbian out there living in a solar-powered home hoping for access to reproductive healthcare, she better act quick. Amen?

Cards. Sister Robin Wright, star of the television filth House of Cards, has “broken her silence” on the controversy surrounding her former co-star and famous pervert, Kevin Spacey. Fans have been so poised to hear the details of her friendship with the aforementioned perv. Yet, to the disappointment of many, Sister Wright has revealed that they had no relationship when the cameras weren’t rolling, nor does she know how to contact him even if she wanted. Well, color me SHOCKED. She is a beautiful pseudo-middle aged woman. There is nothing about that Spacey wants! Rumor has it, however, that Sister Robin is beefing up security for her 25-year old son. We need to pray.

Coffee. Lord, the liberals and their ecology bandwagon have made a pit stop at Starbucks. The coffee giant has now announced that they will be phasing out plastic straws. What’s the option, paper? What kind of suction does a paper straw provide? I am simply bereft about this. I use a Starbucks straw every time I buy a cup of their overpriced java. Lord, I’m already on my knees about this upcoming adjustment. As I kneel, it occurs to me that I’ll be darned if this change is going to prevent me from sucking on a tall blonde on my next visit! Glory!

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About Author

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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