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Shows, Summits & Suicides

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Meet me on your knees at the throne of grace, Heathens!

Shows. Another of the major awards shows has passed us by. The parade of sodomite chorus boys known as The Tony Awards were held this past Sunday. I missed it due to my church duties on the Sabbath. However, I have heard PLENTY. In spite of my distrust for this staged orgy, my heart was touched by the children from Florida singing as one. Of course, the most discussed moment was from Brother Robert DeNiro. While the networks felt the need to censor his brief, two-word monologue, it seems clear to me what was said. If you look closely, you can read RD’s lips. I believe he said “funk rump.” Apparently he is promoting a new play called Funk Rump. Sounds filthy to me, yet so many cheered for this pronouncement. PR mystifies me.

Summits. While many have Funk Rump on their lips, let us turn our gaze to the gathering of powers in Singapore this week as the G7 summit takes place. While I have no idea why world leaders feel the need to discuss an added F# in a perfect G-major chord, it is happening nonetheless. I’ll be praying for our leader, Brother Trump, as he brings his own personal touch to this gathering. I know that his intellect, his tact and his grace will leave many aghast. At least that’s what I’m seeing in the photos. Let us pray.

Suicides. On a somber note, may we gather in prayer for two particular souls lost to suicide last week. Brother Anthony Bourdain and Sister Kate Spade. I single out these two, not because they are the only souls who ended their journey last week, but because they are so visible. In spite of my Babatist superiority, I shall refrain from making any broad statement about the biblical morality of taking one’s life. No, Brothers and Sisters, let us instead gather to uplift and uphold our fellows. Encourage the downtrodden. Brighten the lives which are growing dim. As for me, I shall honor these two souls by enjoying a delightful meal somewhere and taking home leftovers in my tasteful handbag. Glory!

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About Author

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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