Quantcast

Prophecy, Paradise & Playing

0

Allow me to comment on the moving of the Lord’s hands in our world today.

Prophecy. Many vociferous pastors of the faith are always quick to righteously decry the Jewish religion. Yet here they are in Jerusalem offering prayers of praise and alleged support of Israel. How does this happen? Let me explain. The belief is that Our Lord and Savior will return again to Earth. According to scriptural prophecy, He will enter through the Eastern Gate of Jerusalem (a gate which has been sealed up for eons!), and this event would be preceded by Jerusalem being anointed once again as the Holy City. Personally, I prefer to let the Lord work on His own time frame and in His own miraculous ways. However, these media whore evangelicals fervently believe that they actually have power over inciting the Second Coming. So, it is that belief that is behind the groveling and praising of the US Embassy being moved to Jerusalem. (Who knew that Jesus was waiting for AMERICA to move first, thus throwing holy shade to all other lands?) The Embassy is on the east side of town for Jesus’ convenience and President Trump is being praised for inciting this historic move for Christ. Listen, I hate to break this news flash, but MY Lord and Savior is too busy healing the bloodshed outside the gates to give a rat’s hind end about entering the Eastern Gate for these charlatans. Shalom!

Paradise. In a sure sign of the Lord’s displeasure of the above story, He is causing the earth’s stomach to rumble and belch over in Hawaii. I pray that the good people over there are sent to safety in anticipation of a coming explosion in paradise. In the meantime, I’m taking up an emergency offering to send Robert Jeffress and John Hagee on a mission trip to Hilo. Aloha!

Playing. John Roberts and the Supremes are out with their latest hit and it’s all about gambling. GAMBLING! As a Christian, I would have hoped their intent was to squelch this filthy sin, but no. SCROTUM, er, SCROTUS, er, SCOTUS cast out an earlier ruling which restricted individual states’ rights to allow betting on sports teams. Now, it’s open season for sinners to wager on the outcome of their favorite teams. The NFL, NBA and MLB are all concerned about protecting the integrity of their games in light of this decision. Integrity? What integrity? It’ll be a cold day in Hell before I become a gambler. But I’ll tell you this, if I put a dime down on the Denver Broncos, I’d better get a quarter back! Hallelujah!

Comments

comments

About Author

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

Comments are closed.