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Weird, Warble & Weapons

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I go on a week-long ministry on the high seas, and I return to these concerns. Gather you hearts as one, Brothers and Sisters, and let us reflect.

Weird. I realize that the Olympics began in Ancient Greece along with many other disgusting practices involving sexual depravity. However, the celebration of the openly sodomite and lesbyterian athletes in this year’s games is just overwhelming. There are such sinners from the USA, the Netherlands, Australia, Austria and Canada. I mean, I EXPECT sports from the women and the prissy ice skating homos. But a gay skier? SHOCKED! End times are near, Brothers and Sisters. Worse yet, we are all subjected to the musings of precious jewess Tara Lipinsky and that FLAMING FILTH Johnny Weir(d). I miss the days when fine Christian women thought that Liberace hadn’t found the right woman, instead of now where fiery purses fall out of Brother Weir’s mouth after every commercial. Lord, hear my prayer!

Warble. If it weren’t bad enough that we had to endure sports figures kneeling during the National Anthem, NOW we can’t even get a decent vocalist to belt it out at a stadium. Case in point, Sister “One-Name” Fergie at the NBA All-Star Game. What country does she think she’s in? I never thought I’d long for Sister Barr to return to the microphone. If I were a player at that game I would have kneeled as well. Praying “LORD MAKE IT STOP!” Oh well, it still doesn’t top my horror at the National Anthem sung at the 2009 Fiesta Bowl. The singing was lovely. But it was sung by the Blind Boys of Alabama. People, what are the first five words of the National Anthem???? That’s just tacky.

Weapons. I am speechless, saddened and seething over the school shooting last week in Florida. A troubled, depressed, orphaned teen moved in with a friend’s family along with his gun collection. A troubled, depressed teen gun collection. Reflect on that. James Snead, the patriarch of the family who took him in, is quoted as saying that he made the teen get a gun safe to store his arsenal before allowing him to move in the house. Reflect on THAT. Brothers and Sisters, the Gospels don’t mention the NRA. And even in the death-riddled Old Testament, David slew Goliath with a slingshot, NOT an AR-15. We need to be on our knees in prayer now more than ever. Pray for 17 families. Pray for mercy. And pray for me that I don’t send Johnny Weir and Fergie to Congress for a non-stop filibuster on gun reform. Glory!

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About Author

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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