2017 may have been the Year of the Cock, but 2018 is destined to be the Year of the Penis.
At least that’s what they’re saying at all the med-spa conventions.
For nearly a decade, we’ve been the willing gay guinea pig of Lisa Cobb, owner of Luxury on Lovers. Whenever she has a new service for men, we’re her guy.
Toward the end of last year, we popped in to start a series of laser hair removal treatments and she greeted us with a glass of Pinot Grigio. We knew she was about to ask us to test out some crazy new machine, ointment or age-reversal suppository.
What she asked of us, however, was something we never could’ve dreamed: injecting our penis with blood. Our own blood, but still.
If you’ve heard of the Vampire Facial, the Priapus Shot is pretty much the same thing only it takes place near a much different head. The P-Shot rejuvenates the penis through platelet-rich plasma (PRP), so the body doesn’t reject it. Benefits include increased sexual performance, improved sensation, elimination or improvement of erectile dysfunction and—get this—even an increase in penis size.
The non-invasive process is so simple, too.
When we arrived, a physician’s assistant drew blood then exited the room to give it a ride in the centrifuge. While she was away, we removed everything from the waist down and slathered a numbing cream all over our nether regions. (We used extra just to be safe.)
Soon, for the first time in our lives, we had no physical connection to our long-time companion and his two friends. Before we knew it, the injections were over and we never felt a thing. Not even a pinch. A few hours later, all feeling had returned and still no pain. Just some bruised junk that put a halt to our naked webcam show for a couple days.
The followup is the hardest part (pun intended) because we received medical orders to masturbate and use a penis pump every day. We couldn’t keep up with the pump for more than a week because it was too much of a time commitment (not to mention a shock to our housekeeper when she’d empty the dishwasher), but we definitely experience far better results when we have time to pull it out of its box and crank it up to 10.
Even with a lapse in pumping, though, we’re very happy with the outcome.
And apparently, so is everyone on Grindr.
$1200 when you mention He Said Magazine (regularly $1800)
Luxury on Lovers
4703 West Lovers Lane, Dallas
Feel free to send us an e-mail if you have any questions about the procedure or outcome.