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Around The Globes

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Let us prayerfully consider this past weekend’s parade of West Coast filth.

Globes.  The beginning of the Hollyweird awards season kicked off the past weekend with the annual Golden Globes.  Truly the most casual of the shows, it is usually a bacchanal of inebriated liberals.  Surprisingly, this year’s dinner was far more somber with everyone in black in an attitude of solidarity against sexual abuse in the business.  Interior designers throughout Los Angeles are having to replace casting couches with less utilitarian furniture.  While I support this action whole-heartedly, all that black made them look like a great big orchestra or a witch’s coven convention.  Either way, let us review a couple of moments of note in the evening.

Globes.  What happened to the “little black dress?”  A simple, elegant item unadorned of jewels.  No, this evening was chock full of black dresses of very little.  Hollywood harlots, er, starlets seemed to be in a race to see who could show more of her own golden globes (or, in Halle Berry’s case, the bronze globes).  Sisters, no matter the amount of diamonds you drape around your neck, we still see the globes.  And may I say that some of you have smaller worlds than others, but I digress.  You’re all saying to yourselves right now, “Helen, this commentary seems to be antithetical to the solidarity theme of the evening.”  Listen, the Word of the Lord is eternal.  1 Timothy 2:9 tells us “likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire….”  Amen.

Globes.  Two other moments merit my inspired commentary.  First, Kirk Douglas’ family should be ashamed.  Period.  Secondly, Sister Oprah (an unfortunate name misspelling of a Godly woman named Orpah in the Book of Ruth) gave a sermon which put the combined orations of Joel Osteen, Pat Robertson and Robert Jeffress to shame.  After her poised words, devout inspiration and pointed call to service, I felt the pull to dedicate my life to foreign missions!  AND, she followed the 1 Timothy suggestions for dress.  Now, the talk is on for the Big O to run for President in 2020.  I’m gonna have to pray about that, but I’ll tell you this:  I think I’d rather have a powerful black woman facing down Kim Jong Un than a little fingered buffoon trying to press a great big button!  Let us pray.

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About Author

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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