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Resolutions, Ridiculous & Repulsive

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The New Year is off to a disgusting start.  Now, more than ever, we need to be on our knees!

Resolutions.  We have survived another year and, more importantly, another New Year’s Eve.  The night when all hell seems to break loose, and thousands of seemingly moral people lose all control of sobriety.  After which, in an attitude of false repentance, many make firm resolutions to change their lives in the coming year.  Bull Dookey!  I resolve EVERY DAY to be a better Christian than the rest of you, so don’t even try to one up me at this time of year.  And for those of you resolving to lose weight, I’m carrying scales in my purse at all times.  Meanwhile, let us reflect on a couple of disasters from the aforementioned night of debauchery.

Ridiculous.  Oh, Sister Mariah Carey.  You never let us down.  Your invitation to “entertain” at the Times Square New Year’s Eve bash is as certain as death and taxes.  But be ye not confused.  It is not for your vocal prowess.  It may or may not be for your ability to pour yourself into flashy clothes.  No, dear Sister, your producers know full well that the inner vacuum of your soul will provide entertainment and fodder for post-holiday gossip.  Last year, it was your inability to remember words and hit a reasonable note of music.  This year, it was your diatribe on the lack of hot tea onstage.  As you so GRACIOUSLY pointed out, you had to do without hot tea JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.  Welcome to reality, Sister.  Tell ya what…..here’s some “hot tea” for ya.  We’re all laughing as your empressness parades by buck nekkid!

Repulsive.  To make matters worse, the entire Times Square fiasco had to be commentated by not one, but TWO, sodomites.  And one was a Jew!  Lord help us.  It was bad enough that we’ve had to endure the filth of Kathy Griffin making Anderson Cooper giggle like a schoolgirl in the past.  But now, without Miss I-Have-No-Career-And-No-One-Is-Hiring-Me-Even-Though-I’ve-Made-A-Career-Out-of-Demeaning-Other-People’s-Careers, little Anderson brought in his sandbox playmate, Andy Cohen, so that the two of them could parade their homosexuality on national TV.  Filthy.  It would seem that things can only go up from here, Brothers and Sisters.  But, lest we forget, no one new moved into 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue over the holidays, so we still have THAT to pray about.

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About Author

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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