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Moore, Moore, Moore

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I am writing these thoughts without knowing the outcome of the Alabama Senate election. Regardless of the results, these things require fervent prayer.

Moore. After casting a vote for Roy Moore, Brother Greg Weston, a 45-year old farmer from Dothan, Alabama, was kind enough to offer his thoughts to the media. Let me just say how much I admire a hard-working Christian farmer raising tomatoes for my salads and my Chef Boyardee casseroles. Still, I became concerned at some of Brother Weston’s comments. His desire to maintain support for President Trump’s agenda includes immigration issues. After all, Brother Weston works with Mexicans and knows what good money they make. But he’s irritated when he sees them at the Piggly Wiggly with shopping carts full of food, CLEARLY paid for with government assistance. Tsk Tsk Tsk. More surprising, however, is Brother Weston’s take on Roy Moore’s past alleged dalliances with underage girls. As Brother Weston puts it so eloquently, “teenagers went with older men around here. It wasn’t nothing back then.” There you have it, Brothers and Sisters. “It wasn’t nothing.” Which, to those of us with a grammatical education, means it was something. Let us pray.

Moore. Praise the Lord for Christian women and Godly wives. Brother Moore’s much younger wife (he met her when she came to his door selling thin mints) has come to her husband’s defense regarding claims of his racism. Glory to God, she has set the record straight. Roy Moore is no racist! One of their attorneys is a JEW. I’m so glad that has been settled. However, I fear that the Moore’s diversity team limits stop there. There are certainly no gays in their circle. After all, I can take one look at Sister Moore and readily assure you that she does NOT have a sodomite hairdresser. Save us, Lord!

Moore. Finally, my heart goes out to a certain Alabama father who has been bravely protesting against Roy Moore. Brother Nathan Mathis, an avowed member of the Church of Christ, grieves the death of his lesbyterian daughter who took her life after Roy Moore proclaimed that all homosexuals were “preverts.” In a video interview, Brother Mathis repeatedly repeats this word, “prevert,” to describe Roy Moore instead. Mispronunciations aside, let us lift up Brother Mathis in prayer. This simple man’s change of heart to defend his beloved daughter speaks so much louder to me than any drivel ever uttered from Roy Moore’s forked tongue. Preach, Brother Mathis. Preach!

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About Author

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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