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Holy Crap. Holy Father. Holy Spirit.

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I bring you all things Holy this week.

Holy Crap. I have just returned from the Piggly Wiggly with a fresh supply of popcorn, as the poop show in Washington is getting wilder than a hairdo on a humid day. It is becoming more and more difficult to remember who has lied to whom these days. However, is a turd dropping sure to impress a herd of hippos, Brother Michael Flynn, former National Security Advisor for President Trump, has admitted that he lied to the FBI about his involvement with the Russian government and would thereby cooperate with the special prosecutor on all further investigations. People, pull up a chair. Dominoes should begin to fall like take-out pizza joints in a tornado. NEWSWEEK (Newsweek, for God’s sake!) has reported that current and former White House aides are fretful and reportedly “shitting bricks” in light of Flynn’s plea deal, proving once and for all that Trump will do ANYTHING to get that wall built! Glory!

Holy Father. Brother Trump has, once again, shown his lack of scriptural knowledge and biblical interpretation. At the annual White House Christmas Tree Lighting last week, Donny spoke on matters of faith and Christianity, a topic which is clearly akin to him speaking in a foreign tongue. He boldly spoke of Christmas as the celebrating of a story which “begins 2,000 years ago with a mother, a father and their baby son.” Now, you all know I would rather burn my support stockings before I’d criticize an attempt at faith-based speech. However…..this is the biggest New Testament “fox pass” since Trump said that his favorite scripture came from “Two Corinthians.” While Mary and Joseph may have raised this sweet little Jesus boy, scripture is clear that Joseph was NOT Mary’s baby daddy. Sigh. It is exhausting to clean up after Brother Trump when he courts his evangelicals by vomiting on sacred words. Let us pray.

Holy Spirit. Finally, in defense of alleged pedophile Alabama Senate Candidate, Roy Moore, the fine Christians of Alabama are reporting that a 16-year old Bethlehem girl was knocked up by the Holy Spirit, thus rendering Brother Roy morally superior and on a par with the Almighty. All we like sheep have gone astray…

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Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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