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Heaven, Hell & Heresy

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I wanted to take the week of for Thanksgiving, but I simply could not remain silent this week. As you offer thanks this week, please get on your knees about these concerns.

Heaven. Let us wail in mourning together! A celebrity of stalwart morals and Christian values has passed on to her reward. Sister Della Reese began her ministry as a gospel singer, then becoming a Christian presence on numerous secular talk shows and filthy 70s TV shows. Finally, the Lord rewarded her faithfulness with her own show about angels among us called TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL where she exhorted the unsaved millions to believe in divine intervention, whether in life or in death. I just never understood those white streak bangs in her black hair. Perhaps she’d been TOUCHED BY AN ANGry hairdresser. Praise!

Hell. Now on to a death of lesser glorification. Brother…no, I can’t call him that…Charles Manson was finally taken into the underworld. I like to think that our Lord and Savior can redeem even the vilest of sinners, but Charlie was just beyond salvation. Having masterminded the killing sprees of 1969 in the hills of Hollywood, his lack of remorse remained to his last breath. The man even LOOKED evil. While I was disgusted by Sister Tate’s character in that filthy VALLEY OF THE DOLLS, there is no reason on God’s green earth why she should have suffered at the hands of the Manson followers in such a grotesque way. In light of Charlie’s legacy here on Earth, I daresay that Lucifer himself met Manson at the gates of Hell saying, “Welcome. I’ve always admired your work. Hitler is anxious to meet you.” Let us pray.

Heresy. Now this just has me in a tizzy. On a recent CNN interview of Trump supporters, a black man from Jamaica, in a frothy support of the Donald, said that if Jesus Christ himself came down from Heaven to say that there was indeed Russian interference in the 2016 election, Mr. Jamaica would take Donald’s word as gospel instead. Donald Trump over Jesus. Reflect on this. This outrage comes in conjunction with the alleged Christians in Alabama supporting accused pedophile Roy Moore in the name of Jesus. IN THE NAME OF JESUS! Heresy. I’ll tell you one thing. This all proves to me that the marijuana crops in Ocho Rios are thriving and shipping right through Mobile! One toke over the line, sweet Jesus. One toke over the line.

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About Author

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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