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Sharing, Shaming & Shallow

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Gird your loins for this week’s prayers and supplications. I hope you’ll join me on your knees about these concerns.

Sharing. Let the Heavens rejoice as another Saint has entered Paradise! Famed gossip columnist, Sister Liz Smith, went to her reward this weekend at the age of 94. Now, you may ask, “Helen, why are you praising a woman who benefitted from the sin of GOSSIP?” Brothers and Sisters, Liz was a Babatist from Texas. And everyone knows that we in the Babatist Church don’t believe in gossip. We call it “sharing.” And if it’s really juicy gossip, we call it “sharing in love.” So Sister Smith was merely “sharing in love” the intricacies of the famous and infamous. While she had two very brief marriages, I still marvel at her faithfulness to journalism in place of her faithfulness to any man. And her devotion to her fine women friends is legendary. Her confidence and swagger was often greater than many men in journalism. Her pantsuits were…….wait……..I need to pray about this.

Shaming. Well known Alabama bible-thumper and commandment defender, Roy Moore, is running for Senator from that great state. Brother Roy has upheld Christian values at every turn and has received support from a great many of the flock in Alabama. Now, in a turn surely borne of the devil himself, Brother Moore has been accused of inappropriate past relations with 14-year old young ladies. Grown women are recounting this alleged horror now as adults and shaming him into oblivion. Gratefully, the sheep of the south have bleated their allegiance to this man, reminding us all that Mary, the mother of our Lord, was a mere 16 when Joseph took her by donkey to Bethlehem. In a move of unparalleled avoidance of scripture, the fact that Mary has long been known as The Virgin and that she never “knew” Joseph seems to be lost on the flock. Still, I’ll continue that biblical references. It is MY prayer that these women from his past continue to RIDE HIS ASS OUT OF TOWN, somewhere other than Washington, D.C.!

Shallow. In a related story, Donald Trump’s latest shallow tweets about Kim Jong-Un are so incredibly childish and immature. Gratefully, neither Roy Moore nor Kevin Spacey can date a tweet. Praise the Lord!

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Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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