I am painfully devoting all of this week’s column to our 45th President.
Trump #1. I have been on my knees for that poor woman who lost her husband in Niger. I mean, the name of the country is bad enough on first sight. But to have a President offer this woman words in her time of grief which surmounted to “tough doo doo, he knew what he was signing up for,” decorum and protocol have clearly joined class and dignity in leaving The White House in a fast car. Dear Brother Trump (and I’m using the Brother moniker less and less), you have led me to words which compromise my Christian sanctity. (Lord, forgive me this utterance.) Verily, I say unto you, Mr. President. Jesus Loves You……….but I think you’re an asshole. Let us pray.
Trump #2. As a devout Babatist, the unsaved in our midst might think that I would be in joy over Donnie’s liaisons with First Babatist Dallas Pastor Robert Jeffress. But you sinners need to think again. The only way in which Pastor Jeffress is leading a biblical ministry is in his literal scriptural interpretation and embodiment of a Pharisee. Look, I realize that Sister Jeffress needs to sell some books, but bless her little weak-chinned heart. Riding Trump’s coattails is only going to drag you through deeper mud. And Bobbie J’s proclamations of the origins of the Catholic Church? Well, just more proof that he is INDEED a Babatist. Hail, Mary!
Trump #3. The Donald is planning a trip to Asia next month. I hope he gets some bad Moo Goo Gai Pan while he’s there, but that’s not my point here. No, my concern is the hoopla in the media about Trump not visiting the TMZ in Korea. First of all, I had no idea that Brother Harvey Levin had extended his ministry overseas. Secondly, with Donald’s love of self-promotion, it mystifies me why he wouldn’t want TMZ coverage of his trip. And finally, what celebrities could one POSSIBLY want to stalk in Korea?? Tune in.