Hefner, Hall & Horror


Now, more than ever, I pray that I may bring some levity into this burdensome week.

Hefner. Well, well, well. Adulterating sinner, Hugh Hefner, passed on from this life. Stalwart Christians can look forward to the mansion being prepared for them in Glory. Brother Hugh, however, had his mansion on earth where thousands of unspeakable sins were committed and more filthy breasts exposed than a Pilgrim’s Pride chicken plant. Many have marveled that the Lord allowed Hugh to live to the ripe age of 91, but I daresay that this was not a gift from Our Father, but rather a stalling of time while the Almighty decided what to do with Hugh in the afterlife. Regardless of WHERE Hef spends eternity, I pray that Playboy Bunnies already in Glory meet him at his arrival shooting giant staples into his midsection and screaming, “HOW DOES THAT FEEL????” Praise!

Hall. On a much less sinful note, let us mark the passing of a man who proffered good, clean television fun for over 50 years. Brother Monty Hall, host of LET’S MAKE A DEAL, left us this past weekend at the age of 96. While I certainly never condone gambling, his game show was a light hearted romp of seemingly sane individuals dressing up in all manner of costume just for the chance to bargain for prized on national TV. Where else can one laugh at someone dressed as a bumble bee, hollering like white trash at a tent revival over winning a Chevy Vega? Godspeed, Brother Hall. And should you run into that trashy Hugh Hefner in the afterlife, those silk pajamas are NOT a costume, so don’t offer him a curtain or a box. He’s had enough.  Glory!

Horror. To our Brothers and Sisters in Las Vegas, I have no words. Lord, reveal thyself in the midst of this tragedy.



About Author

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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