Quantcast

Discount, Diana & Deluge

0

There had better be a uptick in people on their knees this week. It is greatly needed.

Discount. Rejoice all ye $30,000 millionaires! Whole Foods, that bastion of high-end food bought by those wanting to feel better than the average Kroger patron, has taken a discount turn thanks to new owner Amazon. Gourmet crap is now slashed by an average of 40%. Now, those of you who feel the need to have Edamame Dip (I’ll stick with bean dip, thank you very much) can get it for less, thus leaving you more disposable income for gas in the Range Rover. As far as the Whole Foods produce section, I don’t care how much the sprouts cost before or now. I will not be eating anything that even remotely resembles a regurgitated hair ball. Gag.

Diana. Let us pause in reflection as we mark the 20th anniversary of the passing of Sister Princess Diana. I regret that her marriage had failed and that she had taken up with an Egyptian lothario. Nonetheless, Sister Spencer showed more Christ-like behavior and compassion than anything that has ever escaped out of Buckingham Palace. The real sadness for me is one of recall. Do you remember where you were when you heard the news of her passing? I do. I was in Toronto on a foreign mission and the Lord had spoken to me that I should lay hands on the filth inside a sodomite den of iniquity of naked dancers. It grieves me that I was in the presence of such filth when such horror was happening in a Parisian tunnel. At least the Lord was busy welcoming Diana into His gates and not watching what I was trying to do in His name in Canada. Hallelujah!

Deluge. Finally, Brothers and Sisters, let us join in prayer. The good people of Houston are suffering from floods of biblical proportions. Now is not the time for me to comment on the amount of sin in America’s fourth largest city. (We’ll get back to that another time.) No, I pray that, in addition to fervent prayer, we can all take up a good Babatist offering for those organizations providing relief. It startles me why there was not a formal evacuation of the city in advance of the waters, but having sat in Houston traffic on a normal day, I can attest that such exodus would have been highly irritating and futile. Now would be a good time for the faithful of Texas to walk on water and rescue the perishing. Amen.

Comments

comments

About Author

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

Comments are closed.