Twenty, Two & One


It’s all in the numbers this week, and it’s not looking good. Take these thoughts to your prayer closet.

Twenty. There’s been trouble abroad. The annual meeting of the Group of 20 nations, more commonly known as the G20 Summit, took place last week in Hamburg, Germany. While the leaders of the majority of said 20 nations gathered in austerity, the American contingent blew into town with the grace of a hippo fart, which just doesn’t sit well with Hamburgers. Where to start? First daughter and Washington airhead, Ivanka Trump, attended one session in her father’s place. Donny insists that his buddy, Angela Merkel, agreed with him that her presence was fine. Clarification, Brothers and Sisters. Sister Merkel was merely saying that Ivanka’s presence would be a step up for a change. Meanwhile, Brother Trump met for a lengthy time with his buddy Vladimir in closed door meetings. What could possibly go wrong? Clearly, I’m going to need to get involved. After all, when it comes to foreign missions, send a Baptist! Amen?

Two. Because the Lord feels that the suffering of His people on earth must be intensified, He has given us not one, but TWO, Donald Trumps. Yes, the Spawn of Cheeto is “rushin’” in on the action. It seems that Comrade Junior had a meeting with a Russian attorney preceding the election last year in which a trade of secrets regarding Sister Hillary Clinton was to take place. Now, the Spawn is saying that the meeting was merely about adoption. Brothers and Sisters, this is all a matter of semantics. Yes, they discussed adoption. Adopting any and all information which could sway the election in Daddy’s favor. The PR spin cycle is really shaking the Presidential Maytag now!

One. Finally, in related news, I have a declaration. I’m going out on a limb here, and I say this with all Christian love and charity but, Kellyanne Conway is one big idiot.



About Author

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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