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Pride, Pastries & Pebbles

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It’s been a gay time in our country this past week.  Let us review.

Pride. Sodomites and Lesbyterians the world over marched in the streets this past weekend to show PRIDE in their immorality. Disgusting. I mean, I’m PROUD to be a Babatist, but you don’t see us throwing a parade, for God’s sake! (Well, except just before Vacation Bible School, but the children love it.) I can choose to not attend these bacchanals, but the media seem to be drawn to these spectacles like moths to a flame (or flamers, in this case!). The lack of modesty in clothing is far worse than the underwear models in my SteinMart catalog. And why do people wear leather? Makes them look like a recliner! Alas, I have survived another year of this. Now I can focus on our upcoming 4th of July parade, although with this current administration, this one won’t have much PRIDE.

Pastries. The Supreme Court of the United States is sticking its dainty toes into the homosexual agenda again. Just as we pass the 2 year anniversary of SCOTUS legalizing same sex marriage, the Court is hearing a case about making a cake for a sodomite wedding. My, how priorities have shifted. If these reprobates must be allowed to marry, the least we Christians can do is to deny them their bakery items, right? The Christian baker feels it is against his religious beliefs to make a cake for a gay wedding, therefore he should be able to exercise that right. Well, AMEN! And if he wins this case, I’m looking forward to exercising MY religious belief to deny extending Christian charity to anyone wearing poly blend clothing (See Leviticus 19:19). And THAT, Brothers and Sisters, would be the icing on the cake!

Pebbles. Finally, the Mormons are blowing the trumpets of Moroni in opposition to another black sheep in the flock. A 13-year old lesbian larvae in Utah recently came out of her cocoon publicly before her Mormon congregation, declaring that her being gay was as natural as the freckles on her face. Rest assured that the elders in the Ward were having no part of this, so they shut off her microphone. Let me point them to a scripture in the Bible (NOT in the Book of Mormon). Luke 19:40 tells us that if this young woman is silenced, Bryce Canyon and Zion National Parks in Utah are gonna be LOUD places to visit!

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About Author

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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