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Heat, Hell & Homo

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The fires of hell are lapping at our world. Be ye ready for these signs of the Beast among us.

Heat. Sinners throughout the American Southwest are experiencing a heatwave of epic proportions. With temperatures reaching as high as 120 degrees, lives are at risk. I am praying that all will be quenched with living waters and remain cool. But if anyone of you reading this are considering any future immorality, I invite you to hop on down to Arizona and get a brief feel of your future home in Hell. In related Christian news, global warming is a hoax.

Hell. In another sign of impending Hell on earth, a famed skyscraper in New York City is in the news due to its current financial state and the fact that is directly related to Presidential Son-In-Law, Brother Jared Kushner. Little Jared bought the building on his 26th birthday for $1.8 billion expecting it to be the crown jewel of his burgeoning real estate empire. Now, ten years later, the building is bleeding money. A building that bleeds? A deal of unearthly magnitude? Brothers and Sisters, do not be misled. The almighty will not be mocked. For all ye who believe that Christ has truly touched all things Trump, be ye admonished. The location of this bleeding skyscraper is 666 Fifth Avenue. The mark of the Beast. Across the street(ish) from Trump Tower. The Anti-Christ has moved in and is cozying up with the neighbor. Repent!

Homo. Finally, lest ye think I’ve gone too far with Satan’s presence, sodomy has invaded the Trump White House! Each state’s Teacher of the Year were recently invited to the White House for a photo session with the President and First Lady. Presidential recognition of those educating America’s future…..what could possibly go wrong? Apparently, Rhode Island Teacher of the Year, Niko Giannopoulos, is a flaming sodomite with his own prop to fan his flames. When introduced to our austere and respectable President, Brother Niko entered, dare I say, SASHAYED into the room with a black Venetian hand fan. Such disrespect! Alas, the ever classy and refined Donald Trump complimented Niko on his accessory. So when the camera clicked, the Greek Gay popped open the fan and struck a pose. Brothers and Sisters, I am gobsmacked. I mean, if one has a fan that close to the Presidential Combover, USE IT and see if anything moves! Opa!

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About Author

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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