Delta, Deliverance & Dismissal


It’s getting to where I just can’t keep up with the pain and suffering in this land. But let us press on with these prayer concerns.

Delta. It’s just not safe to board an airplane anymore. First, United drags their guests up the aisles. Then American swats its guests with errant strollers. But now, Delta has just gone too far. On a recent flight, “musician” Kenny G was onboard and began to play an impromptu saxophone concert in mid-air. United and American are merely guilty of bad public relations. Delta is guilty of far worse. Aural assault. This is unacceptable. Let us pray.

Deliverance. The great state of Arkansas has long been known for the beauty of its topography, college football and family inbreeding. (It was the only state in the Union which promoted the movie, DELIVERANCE, as a love story!) In an effort to reach new heights of notoriety, Arkansas is terminating the lives of TEN death row inmates in a brief window of time before the patent on a particular “death drug” runs out. I’m not going to opine on the morality of the death penalty at this time. However, what is the rush? So the patent runs out. There are plenty other ways to end someone’s life. I say put them all in a room with a continuous loop of former Governor Huckabee playing on the monitors. Trust me, within a day, they’ll all kill each other. Not to mention the incentive for criminal activity to cease, given the prospect of this kind of punishment. Let us pray.

Dismissal. Finally, Fox News has had to fire its fiercest hot air machine. Brother Bill O’Reilly no longer has a seat at the conservative table in light of the numerous accusations of sexual harassment leveled against him by various females. I’d like to think that this shows a sense of respect of women on the part of Head Kahuna, Rupert Murdoch. Alas, the decision to dismiss the dimwit was made only after advertisers including Mercedes-Benz, Lexus, Bayer, Orkin, Allstate and Coldwell Banker refused to run their ads on The O’Reilly Factor thus threatening Fox’s financials. And speaking of financials, Brother Bill’s payoff to leave is so embarrassingly enormous, he will be set for life. Therefore, to all the dear ladies who suffered at the hands of this lothario, allow me to offer my sincere prayers for healing. And remember…..think twice before selling your well-insured home with a slight bug problem and two luxury cars in the garage, all of which gives you a headache. Let us pray.



About Author

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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