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The 701 Club: Misogynists, Mistakes & Mis(Fortunes)

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Helen Holy-08_12_15Gather ‘round, all ye sinners, as I share in faithfulness my views on current affairs. Read and be blessed!

Trump: Brothers and Sisters, I know you are as weary of the attention being given to Donald Trump as I am. But, when such a man so generously gives fodder and food worthy of ridicule, what are we to do but take the bait? Let us all now recognize that Brother Trump is not a fan of women, outside of the bedroom. When I find myself feeling pity for both Rosie O’Donnell AND a Fox News “broad” caster, it becomes clear that we are in end times. The least Trump could do is cloak his insults in higher language. It sounds more political to refer to Sister Rosie as a woman of Porcine Status and Sister Megyn as a woman with copious discharges issued in a timely manner. Let us all now be in agreement that Brother Trump needs prayer as much as he needs hairspray!

EPA: The Environmental Protection Agency, long the arbiter of regulation and control over potential corporate polluting, has itself been the cause of a major contamination of the Animas River in Colorado. Land of clear water and Coors Beer. In related news, the head of the EPA was reportedly learning the nuances of the word “oops.”

Robert Downey Jr.: Forbes magazine is reporting that the highest paid actor in the world is Robert Downey, Jr. This is surely proof of the concept of redemption. Jail time, arrests, drug possessions and public intoxication were merely stepping stones to this great financial accomplishment. May I offer this word of Christian advice to Sister Lindsay Lohan…don’t expect lightning to strike twice. Praise!

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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