With marriage equality here, I’d like to offer a few thoughts for the newly-able-to wed gay boys. Please feel free to adapt as appropriate if you’re marrying in a different demographic.
- Resist the temptation to refer to your husband as your soulmate, your best friend, or something equally inane. He’s your husband. That’s special enough. Soulmates are for aging hippies. As for best friends, try casting that with straight women—they’re often married to men, too.
- Avoid talking to other gay men about your husband. At best, you may find your friend is rooting for your marriage to fail. At worst, you may find him in bed with your husband.
- Remember your husband is your lover. If he’s not your lover, then you can start calling him your best friend.
- Make sure the “cookie jar” is empty when your husband goes out of town alone. Empty it again as soon as he gets home. If your husband is in his 20s, this rule applies when he goes to Starbucks.
- If your marriage is based on a non-traditional arrangement, discretion is critical. If your friends know what your rules are, you haven’t been discrete.
- Limit how much your gay friends tell you about their husbands. Talking about how irritating it is to always have to empty the dishwasher is acceptable; talking about serial infidelity (or worse) is not. You’re a friend, not a marriage counselor.
- And, close the bathroom door. Always.