Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news.
Halloween: The dreaded Halloween observance is upon us. Some like to point out this the origins of this filth go back, to the fact that is it celebrated on the eve of All Hallows Day, thus the name, Hallow E’en. How dare people try to tie this satanic celebration to some arbitrary Episcopalian Sunday special. No, I prefer to recognize this time of year for what it really is. An excuse for people to celebrate witches, goblins and ghosts while giving candy to children. Much like election day, which closely follows.
Ten Commandments: Speaking of the man downstairs, an alleged satanist drove his car into a granite edifice of the Ten Commandments on the grounds of the Oklahoma State Capitol, shattering it to bits. Cecil B. DeMille would have us believe that Charlton Heston, er, Moses smashed the original tablets after seeing the children of Israel in debauchery. Therefore, driving a car into a copy of the original is merely cinematic license.
Taylor Swift: That teen country music harlot, Taylor Swift, has released a recording of pop songs. I would prefer she title it “Revelations” as her inexplicable success is clearly a sign of the end times. Let us pray.
Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.