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The 701 Club: Catholics, Columbus Day & The Kardashians

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Helen Holy

Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news.

Catholics: Those pagan Catholics are at it again. The men in skirts over in Italy have convened and decided that perhaps they should “welcome and appreciate” gays. I find it so hard to believe that it has taken them so long to reach this conclusion. Especially since they’ve been making a fortune charging admission to see Sister Michaelangelo’s sketches on the ceiling of that chapel over there. Sketches, I might add, which were completed while Miss Angelo was on her back. Sodomite.

Columbus Day: Americans across this great country celebrated Columbus Day this week. Banks were closed. Mail service suspended. Government workers were idle…legally. All this to recognize an Italian who convinced some Queen in Spain to give him funds to sail uncharted waters in search of a new world. Praise the Lord that there isn’t a national holiday for every person who has ever borrowed money from a Queen in order to take a cruise.

The Kardashians: In my continuing disdain for reality television, I’ll weigh in on this piece of news. Kris Jenner, matriarch of the Kardashian trash, has filed for divorce from her husband of 23 years, Bruce Jenner, citing irreconcilable differences. In all Christian love, I believe there is a typo in the filing. It SHOULD read “irrecognizable differences.” Perhaps they should start a show called “Keeping Up With Bruce’s Face.” Praise!

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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