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The 701 Club: George Clooney, Texas State Fair & Chelsea Clinton

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Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news.

George Clooney: The secular media is abuzz with the news that Brother George Clooney has wed in Italy. It grieves my heart that Brother Clooney felt the need to go all the way to Italy for his wedding. Surely he is aware that there are 19 states in America where he could have legally gotten married. Bless his heart.

Texas State Fair: Here in the home city of my ministry, the Texas State Fair opened last weekend. I am in prayer and contemplation for the vulgar displays of fried edibles which reveal themselves at this state sanctioned bacchanal. In addition, that idolatrous, animatronic graven image “Big Tex” can now wink, move his eyes, look down and flex his fingers. May the Lord then cause him to use these gifts to occasionally turn and point out gluttonous sinners on the verge of arterial blockage. Praise!

Chelsea Clinton: I am rejoicing in the arrival of new life. Long-suffering daughter of the philandering former President Clinton has given birth to a daughter. The parents, Mr. and Mrs. Marc Mezvinsky, have named their bundle of joy, Charlotte Clinton Mezvinsky. This will clearly allow this young woman to drop her surname when she is old enough to realize that it rhymes with that of her illegitimate Granny, Monica. Let us pray.

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Babtist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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